but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
