HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
