went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
