i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize