I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
