i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
