I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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