your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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