no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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