My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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