Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
