I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
