You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
