TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
