Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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