i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
