Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
