can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
