There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize