dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
