What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
