she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
