3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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