remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
