like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
