What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
