I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
