So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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