i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize