No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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