hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to make out with him forever
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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