Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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