I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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