other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
