I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
