go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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