honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
