Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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