OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
