we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
