I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You were trust falling into bushes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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