i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
