ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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