Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
