You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
