he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
