I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
