I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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