Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I FOUND THE LEGS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
