She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
