Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
