Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
