Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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