Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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