Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
