Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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