I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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