Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
As shirtless as possible
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
