did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
