You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
