Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
