If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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