i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
