He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
