Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
