We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
