The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
