I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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