he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
