Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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