I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want nice things and good sex
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
