Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
