shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
