theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
